Lockdown did strange things to all of us. Some people baked banana bread, others got bang into online yoga classes. Some even got their kicks clanging woks for the NHS. But for one man, a breakup-fuelled existential crisis, a near-death experience with an angry motorist and a deep dive into the surreal world of online conspiracy theories led to something far more unexpected: the birth of Wet Man.
With the artist’s debut EP, I Believe in Lizard Men, out now – alongside a new music video for ‘These Freaks’ and a hometown show at Sidney & Matilda on 15 Feb – we asked the enigmatic musician to talk us through his origin story.
LOCKDOWN – NEEPSEND – MAY 2020
Frankly, I was down and didn’t really care what I got. A girl who I loved very dearly had broken up with me prior to this lockdown, and I was being pathetic and feeling sorry for myself. I remember a tiff in which I was called “Wet Man”, a term I had used for indie rock musicians in the 2000s (*excluding the Sheffield band obviously) for lacking depth and character. I was upset by said comment. After all, I am half working-class (at least I tell myself this), but I probably deserved it.
To cure my woes, I would entertain myself by trying to recreate late 1960s garage and psychedelic rock using synthesisers, much like the Nuggets compilations but shit. Aside from this, I would ride my bike as ‘exercise’, and one day a BMW tried to ram me off the road in Bradfield. The bloke stopped the car to shout, “Take a look at my car!” as he thought I had somehow scratched his car (not understanding social distance). I noted down said comment with great haste.
At home, I used to doom-scroll Facebook and was fascinated to see what people were saying during this time in history. I had noticed a few of my friends had taken to the Alex Jones/David Icke ideologies in regard to the pandemic, which involved stating it was a hoax, to avoid vaccination and to not wear a mask in supermarkets as this would make you a ‘sheep’ (you know who you are). This intrigued me much, especially about the silly internet point-scoring arguments we used to exchange about whether there is a microchip in the vaccine (via mobile phone).
In addition, I noticed my flatmate had just got kicked off the ‘Evidence of Reptilian Aliens’ community page on Facebook for trolling them daily with images of Barney the Dinosaur (a giant purple dinosaur that used to grace Channel 5 in the late 90s). In my brain, I could feel the irony tickling my synapses… I was itching to take the piss also. I had to write ‘I Believe in Lizard Men (The Origin of David Icke)’, simply to troll the online conspiracy theorists for my own amusement. This was followed by ‘Take a Look at My Car’, a song about people who made love to auto vehicles (apologies to the Exposed readership there). And the most beautiful thing was that the songs had pretty much written themselves with comments people used to say like, “Have you done your research? I’ll send you a link”, alongside… “Vulcanised leather, luxury seats”. I am truly my own Kilgore Trout to Kurt Vonnegut.
In my brain, I could feel the irony tickling my synapses… I was itching to take the piss also.
Sonically, I had managed to create very shoddy demo versions of these electro-garage punk tracks. I sent them to Adrian Flanagan (Acid Klaus) for review. I was surprised to hear that he actually liked the tracks as normally he’s never commented on my music before. The most I got from anyone in the music biz was Pulp’s Russell Senior called one of my old bands “a shit Velvet Underground*”, which I took as a compliment.
Anyways, months down the line, after a spate of boredom, I received a phone call from Adrian asking If I would be ready to support him at the Leadmill. Apprehensive and being two years out of the stage performance game, I needed an act.
I always wanted an alter-ego-type act. I was an avid reader of my uncle’s Marvel Comics collection growing up (specifically The Amazing Spider-Man 1-522). Radioactive superpowers don’t necessarily exist, but I needed something, and my demo-like songs weren’t gonna cut it in the big clubs.
Adrian was aware of this fact and had put me in touch with Dean of the electronic horror pop group I Monster. He was like some electronic music mad scientist-type fellow. He seemed big on analogue compression, Bruce Haack and T-Rex. He and Adrian managed by some miracle to turn my resonant, straggly joke songs into something that absolutely banged on huge speakers – especially the chorus of ‘Lizard Men’. It was amazing what they had managed to accomplish. Hearing it, I could already feel the strength of 10 bands – 10 bands paired with an ironic, snarky attitude that had been growing inside me since the breakup, nearly being run over by the 1%, and the mutating idiocracy of the internet.
By the end of the week, the set was ready with homages to older song titles of Bowie and Iggy Pop like ‘Loving the Insect’ (originally Alien), ‘I Wanna Be Your Drug’ (originally Dog) and a track about working-class Conservatives titled ‘These Freaks’.
Donning a pair of Temu Sunglasses for the protection of identity and family…
Wet Man was born.
*Source: Russell Senior – Freak Out the Squares (2015)
Hear the origins of WET MAN on the EP I BELIEVE IN LIZARD MEN (produced by the Eccentronic Research Council). Available on limited edition slime green cassette via Bandcamp (5 tracks) and out now on all digital streaming platforms including Spotify, Apple Music and Deezer (4 tracks).
Catch the release show at Sidney & Matilda Factory Room on 15 February, featuring ISIS MORAY, followed by dates in Manchester, Leeds and London. Tickets (£7) here.
